Anyway. Wow. Focus time.
Finding Meredith's blog this morning reminded me that it's probably about time for me to give a little updater.
I've been really peevish since I've gotten home because I've been feeling God's call on my heart, but, like many of God's urgings, it's a little clouded yet...a little vague. One thing God has made clear: I'll be singing in the Kingdom. That's how I praise, and when all things are fulfilled and made right in heaven, I'm gonna be singing with my whole life, not just with my dead-weight body. I've been searching for a time and a place and a way that I can praise God outright, as my occupation. Basically, you could say that I'm agitatedly searching for heaven on earth, rather than any specific, individual place. Jobs where I get to sing to Jesus all day are hard to find, so I'm daily becoming less picky in my job search.
How should I approach this Kingdom dream?
The vision of God's reign makes me incredibly unhappy/dissatisfied/cranky with the current world....and I think that's okay. What's NOT okay is the pride, I'm thinking.
Wow -- actually, it's just like that verse that I used two posts ago.... II Cor 7: 9b-11
"For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way[...]. 10Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter."
I find this verse to be interesting because, if I could write a really good list of what I've been feeling lately,
it would look like this:
1. Earnestness
2. Eagerness to clear myself (unfortunately, this comes out as pride in me.)
3. Indignation
4. Alarm! (PANIC! THE WORLD IS GOING TO HELL!! WHAT?!?!)
5. Longing (for something...EVERYTHING...more....)
6. Concern
7. READINESS TO SEE JUSTICE DONE. Come, Lord Jesus.
And then there's the problem of pride. I've been so full of the above-listed feelings that I find myself wanting to lash out at the apathetic Christians in my life, when, really, Jesus had two teachings. First, there's the one that rings in my head, "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand,", and then the second (harder) one (for me), "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself". I need to fulfill this radical, screaming need to serve God by serving these apathetic Christians around me. I need to BE the change that I would rather slap out of them. Instead of upbraiding them, I need to shut my mouth, and wash their feet.
Huh. Stay tuned for updates on whether or not this actually happens.
---------------------------------
Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the LORD has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.
9 But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
4 comments:
Mmmm Love it...
I do have been increasingly perplexed by the nature of the kingdom and my desires to bring it to this world as well as the crazy notion of service and how ridiculously hard it is.
i like your thoughts...
i'm excited to live with you next year too. it's going to be great.
what are you doing this summer ps
i also wish i could have a job singing worship songs...i am sure that means we will be having jam sessions next year :)
"Shut my mouth and wash their feet." That's great. I think most of us could use remembering that. I know I could. And you made it catchy, so that helps...
Thanks for sharing, too. I've been thinking about that 2 Corinthians passage for a while now. And Jeremiah 20:9 has always spoke to me, but it's been a while since I've heard it.
Thanks, guys. :) I'm glad you said something!
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